Sunday was my first Mother’s Day with two children and was
also the first day I got to meet my sweet Charlotte. I think I can safely say
that I had a great Mother’s Day! I was not able to hold her, but held her hand
and talked to her for what seemed like an hour. I could not get over how much
hair she had and how dark it was. Caleb had a lot of hair too, but she had
more. I also thought she looked just like Caleb but with more feminine features.
As the days go by, I can see more of Joey in her, but still think she looks a
lot like Caleb.
I was able to talk to her doctor and learned that she would be
slowly taken off the cooling blanket starting later that afternoon. They would increase her
temperature by a half-degree every hour to make sure her body responded well.
If all went well, I would be able to hold her the next day. The doctor also
told me that day she would have an MRI on Wednesday and EEG on Thursday to test
and see if she had long-term damage from any lack of oxygen she may have had during
delivery. I honestly did not think too much about this at that time, I was too
busy trying to get well myself and was just overwhelmed by finally getting to
meet her. Although I thought I would be invincible as long as I was able to be
around Charlotte, I quickly learned that I was very weak and had to leave to go
rest much quicker than I would have liked to. Either way I was on cloud nine
and thought it was the best day ever, but it just kept getting better and
better …
On Monday morning, we called the NICU and learned she had
tolerated the increase in temperature just fine and I would be able to hold her
that day. We headed to the NICU as soon as possible and I finally got my arms
around that baby. It was such a sweet moment that I will never forget.
Later
that afternoon, I was FINALLY able to see Caleb. We had been keeping him away
from the hospital because we were afraid seeing me would scare him. I was
connected to so many lines, had a port coming out of my neck, and was extremely
swollen from the surgeries, so we wanted to wait until I felt more “normal”.
Plus, to be honest, we were a little worried that he would be too rough on me.
He is most always at 100 mph and is all boy, so he’s used to being pretty wild
with me and Joey and we weren’t quite sure he would understand how careful he
needed to be with me. As it turns out, we didn’t need to be worried at all, he
was so calm around me and was as gentle as he had ever been. It was like he instinctively
knew what I could and could not handle. I do know one thing – Monday was good
for my soul, it was the first time since heading to the hospital to deliver that
I felt “complete”; that Charlotte and I would both survive this and we would eventually
all go home together as a family.
Tuesday was another good day! Caleb got to meet Charlotte
and we got our first picture as a family of four. Caleb was just as gentle with
Charlotte as he was with me, however he was very interested in all the machines
in her room and thought she needed all of his stuffed animals in her bed with her. It
was a bit crazy trying to keep him contained, but it was worth it to see his
face light up when he met her and when he opened the gift she gave him.
It was also the first day Charlotte was able to have real
food. Before Tuesday, she had been on an IV of lipids that were providing all
of her nutrition, but on Tuesday, we were able to start with ½ ounce feedings. Like
increasing her body temperature before, they took the feedings slow and started
with ½ ounce before moving to an ounce the next day, two ounces, and then free
feed. She took the ½ ounce in a matter of seconds and never spit up any of her
feedings.
Although we hit a lot of milestones on Tuesday, it was also the first day that I allowed myself to worry about Charlotte. She was having her MRI done on Wednesday and I began to worry that it would show that she had brain damage and would have developmental delays as a result of the lack of oxygen. I knew that she was and would always be perfect no matter what, but I remember saying that I was terrified we had used up all of our miracles on me and that Charlotte wouldn’t be as lucky as I had been. I went into a funk and sadly allowed myself to stay there for a couple days. I always knew how blessed Charlotte and I were to be alive, but I wished that God would have chosen me to have difficulties and lasting issues, and not the possibility of it being Charlotte. The hardest part was that the MRI would be done on Wednesday and the EEG on Thursday, but we would not know anything until the specialist read her file, examined the results of the tests, and concluded on everything, and he wouldn’t be there until Friday.
The waiting game was stressful, but it would all be worth it in the end when Charlotte received a clean bill of health. More details on Wednesday and beyond in the next (and hopefully last) detail post!
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